Apparently you make a good broom.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i think i just lost a toe
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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