I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
