Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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