Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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