Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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