Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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