My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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