Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
