so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
