K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
