Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
