Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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