So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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