Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
