Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
