nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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