I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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