i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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