Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
it glows. i had to have it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
cat food counts as protein by the way
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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