I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
