when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
