I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
