Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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