Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
