i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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