May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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