I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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