Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
