It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
