Got a toothbrush?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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