One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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