those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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