There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
