bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
