Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
