He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
