Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
