We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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