i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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