Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
