I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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