You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
