she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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