He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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