Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
