"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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