Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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