party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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