do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
