Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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