I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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