Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
