Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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