i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
