Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
