Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize