He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
