I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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