What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
