i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
