She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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