It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
