im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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