I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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